How true love creates emotional grounding and vulnerability – ‘Orange Courage’ by Potatoi

I was super, super excited to listen to and write about Potatoi (John Cha)’s first full-length album – ‘Orange Courage!’ I have really enjoyed listening to his solo works and discovering his persona as an artist beyond the band wave to earth. He started out making mainly instrumental music as ‘obdnce,’ with his only lyrical track ‘With You’ featuring Daniel Kim’s beautiful vocals. As he first began writing lyrics for wave to earth (‘evening glow,’ ‘annie.’), I could clearly see a distinction in Daniel’s lyricism and John’s – where Daniel’s (for wave to earth) are flowery and filled with imagery and metaphors, John’s seem to express emotions as they are. 

With the EP ‘Toy,’ we were introduced to John’s solo persona and learned a little about him and his experiences. With ‘Orange Courage,’ though, I feel that John has really come into his own with his creations, and his voice feels truly authentic in these songs. Even the titles of both albums show this transition – John’s ‘Toy’ is playful and features some themes of uncertainty and insecurity about oneself, with the sounds mostly sounding bright and upbeat even when conveying such feelings. ‘Orange Courage,’ meanwhile, deals with more sincere themes around vulnerability and love – and I suppose, it would take a bold, bright, orange courage to express, compose and share these feelings openly with the world. The quality of the compositions on ‘Orange Courage’ is unlike anything I have ever heard John create. While I loved ‘Toy,’ these are such an upgrade sonically – the arrangements are diverse and unique, and John experiments with new sounds that I have not previously heard him use. I also love how John’s vocals sound on this album. Previously, he sang slightly higher notes and tones that sometimes felt a little beyond his vocal range. However, his voice sounds completely at ease in this album, and the melodies chosen suit his voice beautifully. I honestly really loved this album, I was so excited for it, and it did not disappoint in the slightest! 

The album opens with ‘Joe,’ a mellow song that sounds like a reflection after a tense moment or a fight with a loved one, mixed in with sadness, regret and love. John opens with a strange line that sounds confusing: “You wouldn’t fight/For me/So it makes me feel blue.” It sounds at first like the person he sings about would not truly fight for their relationship to work out. But then, he sings “I know you didn’t mean to hurt.” With this context, then, the first line sounds more like “You wouldn’t fight, for me” – as in, this person is not quick to anger, they wouldn’t normally fight or get upset when it comes to John or their relationship. So, when they get angry, he realizes they never truly meant to hurt him. He hopes for his companion to return to him and talk about the argument – “Just say the word/Say I’m coming.” 

John is determined not to let this argument destroy the relationship – he sees their togetherness and union as more important than this single disagreement that is unlike their usual behaviour (“I don't wanna leave you now/I need you here and now/It's just me and you somehow”). I truly love the bridge in Korean that also conveys this sentiment, where John hopes that “the memories that are ours alone/Are not forgotten lightly.” The song conveys a sense of reflecting alone about a disagreement with someone you love. It’s almost as though John is left alone in a room after he has disagreed with a loved one and they’ve walked out on him. The clear, low and reverbing instrumentals really add to the sense of loneliness and the pressing emptiness of reflecting alone about a tense argument. The higher-pitched backing vocals, spotlighted by these minimal instrumentals, make John’s sadness so palpable towards the end of the song – it is truly emotional and beautiful. I thought a lot about the meaning of the title ‘Joe,’ and after a lot of pondering I think it may be a play on words with the Korean ‘줘’(jwo – give). This could signify ‘give in,’ ‘give grace,’ ‘for-give,’ even, after an argument. It suggests the selflessness, generosity and courage that it takes to give grace, to for-give, to remember the depth of one’s love and the strength of a relationship even when hurt, upset and angry with one another so you can mend anything that is broken. 

‘Joe’ transitions seamlessly into ‘90s,’ which could make ‘90s’ the conversation and apology that resolves the argument of the previous song. In ‘90s,’ John focuses on the strength of his love and the past memories that he cherishes in his relationship to overcome their struggles experienced in ‘Joe.’ He expresses how much being with this person has changed him – “I saw you one day/All at once I swayed/Nothing felt the same.” And yet this song is called ‘90s.’ It is interesting that he draws on the old and the nostalgic to showcase how he has been changed by love. He suggests that this love takes him back to the 90s, and his companion is unforgettable to him “like a 90s song.” Every moment with this person reminds him of rosy, romantic, days – “every word you say/ takes me back to yesterday/when hearts were never meant to break.” He draws on nostalgia, and yet, sees himself changing to preserve the beauty of these romantic and nostalgic feelings evoked by his companion – “Like a 90s song/Imma give you all/Imma take it all/I won’t let you fall.”  

The sound of this song adds to this ambiance – the synths are reminiscent of a very retro, nostalgic feel and add to this ‘90s’ vibe. The gentle harmonies in the background also create a dreamy, romantic atmosphere. The bridge at the end of the song, is, however, jarring and sudden. The instrumentals are unique and hard-hitting, diverging from the slow, soft vibe of the song so far. It’s also completely different to anything John has composed in the past, which made it a surprising but welcome change! John probably remains fearful that his honesty about his feelings for his companion will not be enough to save the relationship – thus, he fears “something’s wrong” and “prays” to right everything with his companion. The louder instrumentals that conflict with and drown out his voice convey his fear and anxiety about losing his loved one.  

There is something also to be said about the music videos for both ‘Joe’ and ‘90s.’ Firstly, I love how they are both simple and low-budget, reflecting the groundedness and tenderness of the moments and the love they represent. The videos look to be filmed at John’s house with simple, day-to-day objects and thus create a real connection with the viewer. However, it’s interesting that the MV for ‘Joe’ is filled with tender, sweet moments between two lovers. In the MV, we are able to see the faces of the lovers, who they are and how they experience one another. This contrasts with the emptiness and sadness that the song conveys. Contrastingly, the MV for ‘90s’ is filled with moments of doubt, confusion and uncertainty – with one partner questioning the other’s loyalty, and we can no longer make out the faces of the lovers, as though they lose sight of each other and their relationship. Meanwhile, we have seen above that the song is romantic and nostalgic. I found this contrast, this switch-up, a little strange and confusing – but I do enjoy how the two songs and the MVs are clearly connected to one another! 

The next song, ‘Wind Song’ (in Korean – 이렇게만, Just like this) is one of my favourites on this album. Its incredible simplicity and lightness are what make it so genuine and sincere in its message. John sings again to a loved one – with this song, he imagines a carefree life for the two of them. The song’s lyrics and melodies are simple and light much like the wind, and he desires a love that flows gently and freely like a breeze. He thus aptly titles this song ‘Wind Song’ in English. I really love how the lyrics frequently evoke nature to show the beauty, timelenessness and grounding of the love John desires. He sings of living “like the sky/Freely,” “like the sunlight/Letting go of the shadows,” and my personal favourite line, “with my light clothes/and the song of the wind/I sing of the hope of this world.” These lyrics evoke the very images they describe, and the song is truly a healing and gentle experience. In the first two songs on this album, we have learned that John is willing to change for true love – and in this one, he secures his belief in that love by willing this gentle, beautiful life for himself and his companion. Here, he lets go too of the uncertainty around losing his partner that featured in the last two songs. In ‘90s,’ he ends the song referencing “big chains, full of lies.” In ‘Wind Song,’ he sings “let’s take off this endless chain,” suggesting he wishes to let go of unnecessary worries and insecurities and instead focus on the strength of his relationship with his companion – a truly beautiful transition!

What comes through so far in this album is a transition in John’s music that seems to mirror his life. In ‘Toy,’ there was a slight excitement, and an unsettled, uncertain feeling that John conveys in the songs. Even where he expresses love, he sings of wanting to cover himself up (as in ‘Shade’) or hide away parts he is ashamed about (as in ‘Image’). Here, however, as he settles into being a family man, a committed husband and a father, his songs reflect this same grounding and settling. From the first three songs, then, we learn that John is okay with changing things about himself for love, that he is committed to preserving a love that is important to him, and that he wills that love to exist naturally and freely as a gentle breeze. The melodies of these three songs are calm, reflective and simple, but heavy with emotion and love for his lifetime companion. Even when faced with uncertainty, he seems sure of what he wants and the life he desires – and evokes it with abandon in this song. He sings of love with certainty, yearning and openness, and especially with this song, shows that he sees his future and his partner’s future as one. He knows himself better and can foresee the life they both desire – this thought gives him purpose and grounding, allowing him to approach even uncertainty and conflict with a reflective and calm lens and a desire to mend and preserve the love he desires.

I was most excited to listen to the next track – ‘Lion’s Tear,’ which featured Daniel! John and Daniel have not collaborated as a duo since John’s ‘With You,’ wherein Daniel was the sole vocalist – so I was really excited to see how their voices would blend when singing a duet! I find it appropriate that they chose to collaborate on this tender song that intends to comfort a friend who is struggling. John has often said his only dream collaborations are with wave to earth members, and so it’s telling how he invites them to assist with accompanying or featuring on his songs, feeling that together they can create to their fullest capacity. I love how the song describes friends discovering each other’s pain and taking it on to support each other through it. 

The opening lines (“Once again, you can’t escape/Your unhealed heart”) reminded me of ‘High Tide’ by The Poles (“if it doesn’t heal/it’s a heart that cannot be hidden”). Although unrelated, I feel the songs speak to each other. ‘High Tide’ seems to describe one friend holding back their pain and struggles, pushing against a crushing wave of painful feelings to put on a brave face and preserve their friendship. ‘Lion’s Tear’ seems to be the response to this person who tries so hard to be strong – once they finally break down and are unable to keep going, their friend responds with gentleness and understanding. I love the image of a crying lion in the title. In ‘High Tide,’ the singer describes themselves as a tide – uncertain, untethered, and crashing like high waves through their hurt. But their friend sees them as a ‘lion’ – a strong and brave beast, who now finally lets themselves cry. In describing the ‘lion’s tear,’ the friend paints a tender image of their ever-strong companion finally breaking down and letting themselves be vulnerable. In the chorus, the singer acknowledges that their friend’s pain and tears have certainly brought an unexpected change to the relationship. (“The tears that flow for a long time/Came and crossed our path.”) However, John follows this up with, “our dream that blooms lushly.” He thus suggests that his friend’s pain has actually strengthened the dream of their friendship – it has deepened their relationship by allowing them to know and support each other better.

Next comes Daniel’s verse in the song. There’s a unique quality to Daniel’s voice when you hear it first on any feature that I felt was missing on this track. His voice is distinctive and immediately strikes you as his, the first word he sings itself melts the heart with its softness, smoothness and emotion. With this track though, I somehow felt that quality was mellowed down a bit. It could be that the instrumentals blend closely with the vocals here and somewhat water down the emotionality of his voice. Somehow, the hit that is so characteristic of his voice was missing – this was my only issue with this otherwise stunning song! With his verse, Daniel recognizes he may never empathise with his friend’s pain, but vows to support them through their struggles so that the two of them can grow through the experience together (“Even if I can’t know your heart/Just like that, we/Let’s move on together”). In being vulnerable and sharing their struggles, they find a shared dream that “spills out” and draws them closer together. Thus, the louder outro, where the voices of the two and the instrumentals blend into one cohesive sound, shows the union of these two friends during a period of struggle. In a way, this part symbolizes them walking together through the pain, supporting each other and fighting against it. The distorted guitar sounds and loud drum beats show this pain and struggle that tries to overcome both of them, but their voices come through despite – “Our dreams/Walking our path/Expressing our love/With our broken hearts set.” This last line, “with our broken hearts set,” was so striking to me. Suggesting that their hearts are “set” is an interesting choice of words – it shows that their hearts are not ‘fixed’ from the pain, but rather, set or temporarily put together so that they may pick themselves up and move forward. I like how this shows that your friends’ support is important to help you carry on, but is not the sole thing that saves or fixes you during a moment of struggle. However, having your heart set also means having a purpose or having motivation to walk forwards despite your pain – so, it suggests that in finally being vulnerable, the friends gain purpose and strength to move forward. ‘Lion’s Tear’ is such a tender and beautiful depiction of friendship and platonic love!

The mellow, soft tones of this album continue with the next track, ‘Fairy Tale.’ It is a yearning plea for comfort, with silvery, dreamlike and romantic sounds. The melodies of this song evoked ‘Antenna’ by HYUKOH and Sunset Rollercoaster, but I also found myself connecting this song with John’s own ‘Vanish.’  Both songs deal with escaping pain and struggle – where ‘Vanish’ suggests completely disappearing as an escape, ‘Fairy Tale’ suggest there is a dream world to escape to. ‘Vanish’ suggests erasing and wiping away all the problems (“Fly away/Go far away from here,” “We’re gonna find a way to vanish from this world”). Meanwhile, ‘Fairy Tale’ suggests that a companion’s presence can create a dreamlike feeling and put a stop to the pain temporarily (“You will always be there for me, my fairy tale/So baby come to me/Hold my heart/Hold my tears”). In ‘Lion’s Tear,’ John learns the strength and comfort that can come from a loved one’s support. In ‘Fairy Tale,’ thus, John wishes to show up even with his flaws and struggles before this person, knowing they will hold him and show him the magic and beauty that still remains in this world. He sings of “dead violets in my room,” showing that he feels he has neglected or ruined something beautiful, and his instinct is to hide this pain from everyone. But still, he runs to the person he sings of in this song – a person he trusts. Even when his life doesn’t feel beautiful and magical as a fairy tale, this person makes him feel like it is one, showing him the beauty of dreams even when he cannot express what he needs (“Silently”). 

The next song, ‘Round and Round,’ is such a sudden switch-up from the mellow tone of the rest of the album! It is one of the best arrangements and compositions on this album. I find it completely unique to anything John has created in the past, and I love the new sounds he has used in this song. My favourite part was that it kind of blends all the sounds I truly love to hear in a song – with the opening being lively, fun and groovy, and the outro being punchy and loud with a strong guitar sound. This lively song is about staying grounded even when life gets confusing and difficult. I like how John says “life is going go round and round” to show how life is often crazy and takes you by surprise. But then, he adds that he “keep[s] down to earth” to cope with it. This made me think about how we often use the term “grounded” or “down to earth” to signify steadying oneself or holding one’s own during a difficult time, but the earth itself that is keeping us steady, is actually the one “going round and round” and turning constantly. It’s thus interesting and surprisingly apt that he chose these lyrics – he shows that even during chaotic moments, what helps you survive is finding strength and stability amidst that very chaos! I absolutely love the instrumental section at the end of this song. It showcases a totally different side of John that I simply loved discovering. In many of John’s songs, I find that one can tell he is a talented bassist – his basslines are always groovy, fun and with incredible riffs that are allowed to shine on their own. It was really no different with ‘Round and Round,’ and I love how the bass gets the spotlight in the first half of this instrumental and how the solo riff then transitions into the punchy guitar section at the end. The guitar section is just so much fun to listen and vibe along to, with such an addictive melody! It is such a wonderful outro and I hope that we get the chance to hear this live as I am sure it would not disappoint! I have never heard John use the distorted guitar and rock sounds in his solo work – his previous tracks have been lively and upbeat but not punchy and loud in this way. I really enjoyed this change and would love for him to experiment with this sound again!

I also love listening to the next song, ‘Middle Man!’ This one seemed to be about being a mild-tempered person trying to deal with a highly tense moment and needing to make an important choice. John opens with “Stuck between the lines/Can’t take a side, it ain’t mine/The noise is getting loud, loud.” His mild nature is now failing him when he really needs to make a decision – he feels indecisive and this puts an intense pressure on him. Here, he uses the term ‘middle man’ rather literally – a man who is phyically in the middle, who never picks a side, rather than the metaphorical ‘middle man,’ who is a means or an aid to another. Thus, he sings in the pre-chorus that his dilemma is “closing in now, nowhere to go,” as if when he walks in the middle of the path, the two sides of the road close in on him. However, calling himself a ‘middle man’ who doesn’ t take sides or stand up for himself shows how he actually is just used by others as a means to get what they want. The dilemma he describes in this song seems to be about continuing or ending a particular relationship that hurt him. He thus sings, “You took my heart but left me cold/It’s hard to show now I’m torn apart.” He has been hurt by this person in the past (“You just fight”), but hesitates to show or communicate it to them, or even end a relationship that is harmful to him. This song transitions into the end of the album, which, starting with this, begins to echo sounds John has used previously. The upbeat, bouncy tones while conveying his indecisiveness and insecurity call back to themes he has featured previously. However, with the use of his lower vocal range in this song, especially during the pre-chorus, he also infuses a novelty into his classic sound and theme. This is also shown in that this song is rather self-aware. John recognises his mild-tempered self who does not pick sides, who always picks the middle, never stands up for himself. But rather than just mention this pattern, he recognises how it has left him in situations which hurt him – and he ends the song by breaking this pattern (“Stop the fight I’m leaving/Stop the fight I’m moving on”). With this song, then, John recognises and addresses the last of his insecurities and flaws, taking a stand and abandoning behaviours that no longer serve him.

The next track, ‘100p,’ was the first of the songs we heard from the album due to its release as a single, and I truly loved it so much! It is such a light-hearted and fun number to listen to, and with it, John invites us into the new phase of his life with his wife by his side. He suggests with this song that even on mundane days where he has no energy or hope in the world, the person he sings of in this song recharges him to ‘100%,’ or as he shows in the music video, even when he feels he has failed, she makes him feel he has succeeded and gave his ‘100%’ with her presence. A theme across a lot of John’s music is him finding his life to be mundane or boring. He sings of this to some extent in ‘Plain Life,’ infusing a bittersweetness to romanticising the simple things about his life. Even in ‘90s,’ he appeals to the simplicity of his love and relationship with his companion (“Love was all we had to say/We didn’t have nothing to claim”). Even ‘annie.,’ written by him, showcases how he “hates to be at fancy parties,” and “doesn’t belong with big names.” Similarly, here in ‘100p,’ he describes his “boring life” filled with “bad news.” 

But with the bridge of this song, suddenly, he says, “runaway from the mundane.” With this new relationship, he finds someone to “colour up his days,” to make them less mundane. He feels less like his simple life is something he just has to make peace with on his own. With his companion, he feels he is running away from the mundane now because in being with her, he no longer feels bored or unfulfilled even on the slowest days. Now that he has someone to share this mundaneness with, it feels brighter and more fun. Thus, he ends the bridge with this companion “embracing” him on sad, mundane days, when “his heart is torn in pain.” He uses the word “embrace” multiple times – he finds someone who accepts him as he is, with all the mundanity, simplicity and sadness he contains, without trying to change him. And in that way, he feels as though he’s 100% - whole, without the need to change, and begins to accept himself as well. 

This song is reminsicent in style of ‘Toy’ and much of John’s previous work – it’s bright, upbeat and lively, and John uses a higher vocal range when singing this as with his previous songs. Given that it was the first song we heard from this album, it made sense for it to feel like a transition into the newer styles, themes and compositions he experiments with through the rest of the tracks. We have seen John settling down and gaining a sense of certainty in his life with the first few tracks of his album, so this ‘transitionary’ track (since it released before we heard the first half of the album) gives us the first glimpse of this side of John. With ‘100p,’ we see him for the first time realising what he wants through true love, setting aside his uncertainties in favour of someone accepting him, and realising the beauty added to his life and future through love.

The next song, ‘She Wanna Blue,’ is John’s wedding song – truly a stunning track that I would say is one of his best compositions (probably since it is composed with so much sincerity and love!). Much like ‘100p,’ this song also shows John transitioning into letting someone love and accept him despite his flaws. He repeatedly emphasises the negative parts he sees about himself – “No one is tryna talk to me,” “I maybe not so cool enough/It maybe be hard to prove enough/And shadows are crawling on me” “I am the one who’s not so appealing.” He cannot seem to understand why someone would like or accept him. However, as the song progresses, he grows to accept that no matter how negatively he might view himself, he cannot choose for others how they love him. He sees his wife as someone with a healing, gentle mind – “she ain’t no blue.” She is a positive influence on him and someone who ensures he sets aside these negative thoughts about himself and his life. With this, we can again see John becoming more grounded and certain about his life and direction now that he is committed to someone – he literally says he’s being pulled back to earth (“I also wanna stop losing/Something is pulling me like gravity”). 

I absolutely love the bridge and the transition into it – the bright piano, the key change, all show John building up to this final confession he wishes to make. It’s evident he says this from his heart as he sings it in Korean.

“During the turbulent times in my life
Rain clouds turn up
In my burnt out heart,
A cool blue, a cool blue”

He sings of rain clouds creating storms during turbulent times in his life. One would expect him to sing of his wife as sunshine during these times, but instead, he refers to her as “a cool blue,” comparing her rather to a clear sky free of clouds – possibly a cool, bright spring day. He shows her cool blue nature (calming, healing, relaxed) as healing his “burnt out heart” – which I think is what’s depicted on the album cover (the blue circle pushing through the bright orange tones around it). He thus dedicates this song and this album to the person who has healed and settled the turbulence, uncertainty and confusion within him. I like how John uses the word ‘blue’ in multiple ways in this song. He sings first ‘she ain’t no blue,’ showing that his companion, with her healing mind and accepting nature, does not allow for sadness or pain to exist in this world (traditionally associated with feeling ‘blue’). It’s thus also telling that when he argues with her in ‘Joe,’ he says that the fight that is normally uncharacteristic of her peaceful nature makes him ‘blue.’ However, the title of this song (She Wanna Blue is actually 시원한 블루, siwonhan blue, cool blue) and the bridge show another facet of ‘blue’ – cool blue. John calls his wife “a cool blue” – a balm, a cooling, healing sensation amongst thoughts and feelings that burn at his energy. I love how he uses blue to signify calm and healing rather than to describe sadness! 

I also recall John mentioning that it rained on his wedding day before the sky cleared up for the ceremony – I think that is such a beautiful serendipity given the bridge of this song, and reflects just the sentiment he conveys here. As he got married, the last of his turbulent times and rain ended when he became one with his wife! This is one of John’s most authentic and wonderful compositions. It sounds so truly like his voice speaking this creation, and it is obvious how sincerely and truly he conveys his love for his wife in this song. I love how the sound of this song itself, with its bright piano and synths and the upbeat sound, conveys a clear blue sky and a bright, breezy day that instantly calms one down!

The last track, ‘See Ya,’ was the third single we heard from this album, and it marked a significant difference from the other two. However, it was honestly so refreshing and I instantly loved this song when I heard it. The lyrics are simple but again, incredibly sincere and true in conveying John’s feelings. Here, he sings of being a busy musician who is often travelling for tours, and how it feels to be away from his family for so long. This song is mellow and emotional, and the focus is mainly on John’s voice and lyrics. Much like ‘Joe,’ the instrumentals give a feeling of John being alone in a room, the emptiness of it closing in around him. At this moment, he realises how much he misses his family and the fact that there’s little he can do about it. I also love that he leaned into the lower range of his voice – this really suits him and his voice sounds completely open and at ease. He uses these lower notes and sounds to convey his sadness and loneliness as he sings in solitude, away from those he loves and his voice really hits home. The lyrics also really tug at the heart despite lacking any poetry or embellishment. They are the truth of John’s heart, and often, those words are the most hard-hitting ones. I really love the phrases where he says “Even though I can only say ‘I love you’” or “Even though I can only say ‘I miss you.’” He seems at a loss for words to express how much he misses and longs for his family, but somehow these words are exactly the right ones to convey the depth of that feeling. The bridge clearly shows John’s yearning for his family – he vows to return to them when he can, no matter how long he must be away. Even if he doesn’t know when this distance will end, he wants to meet with his loved ones again. 

I really love this song. I just can really feel what John wished to convey here. I loved everything about this composition and the way it’s been put together – it is genuine and sincere and I truly could not stop listening to it. It’s a ‘sad’ song to end the album, technically, but somehow remains an apt ending – it’s as though John shares with us the changes he has experienced in his life, his feelings and emotions through the songs he has created. He then says goodbye, recognising his role also as a family man. He shares how this experience has changed him, and ends with saying that despite his passion for creating and making art, he has an equal amount of love for his family and wishes to return to them now that he has finished sharing what he wished to with us. And so, as he sings of missing his family and saying “see you” every time he leaves for tours, he somehow says goodbye to the listeners too at the end of this album, and says he will see us when he is back next. 

Overall, I really enjoyed listening to this album. It is so well-composed and I truly believe every creation John makes is such a serious upgrade from the previous ones. I love how sincere, grounded and vulnerable the themes of these songs are, and I loved hearing a new side of John’s work with these songs! I can’t wait to see what he puts out next!

References:

All translations for Orange Courage by me

Adapted from High Tide by The Poles translation by Haebaragis